My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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