dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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