I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
