so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
