Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
