For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
