Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize