he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
