dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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