please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
