mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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