I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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