mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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