I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
