even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
