Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
not ubering you a puppy
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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