i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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