How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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