Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
