HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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