My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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