Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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