how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
