thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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