shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
