I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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