Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
