I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
