I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
