Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
only you would photoshop your dick
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I wear drunk well.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
