dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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