i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
