i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
