his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
