I feel like I'm in dance class right now
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
