I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
