next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
