dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
