No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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