All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Someone signed my nipple.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
