have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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