I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
