I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
