never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I think I just sharted jello shots
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
