just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
