She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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