I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
