i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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