I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
