Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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