Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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