so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
