the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
