I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
how does that bad decision feel?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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