He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
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