We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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