Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
