"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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