I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
