It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The struggles of a small town man whore
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
