Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
