I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Houston, we have a blender
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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