I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
