he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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