Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
