They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
