all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
