:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
