the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
