my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
