I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
