mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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