I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize