Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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