Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
