So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
