I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
