We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize