i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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